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T.h.o.u.g.h.t.s. 4. T.h.e. D.a.y.


Year 2001 (already), I think back on what I have done great last year and what I didn't.  So many things had happened within a year and you will never know how it helped me.  2000 was great and taught me so much things I cannot even list.  But, one of it was "being or trying to be strong even if the waves are above me."  Some of the things that I accomplished and learned, year 2000, to appreciate things and people around me more than ever.

December 27, 2000
     Mistakes... we all make them. There are times when we're lucky, an eraser will do the trick, and we can rub it across the page, wipe away the dust, and all that's left of our careless mess is a hardly noticeable smudge. But most mistakes cannot be erased.... no matter how hard we try.   I cannot erase the mistakes I made, life does not come with erasers.          
                                                                                   
December 31, 2000
    Why does songs help us communicate with our inner- emotions?  I listen to music and it helps me feel good.  What is world without music?  How can we relate with our moods and emotions?                                                                                          

January 15, 2001
        Okay agh, I have school tomorrow and work too!   But, hey I'm happy that I got my job as a teller at Wells Fargo.  I have to dress up and everything, it's fun.  Right after school I have to drag my ass (LOL) to take the damn bus and then take the Subway (the subway is so helpful and very convenient because it takes about 10 minutes while if a person drives me there it takes 30 minutes due of one way roads and traffic).  But I love my job, the only thing I hate about it is the money counting.  I get nervous you know.  But damn, there's people deposit hundreds thousands of dollars and I am like "I wish I can deposit that much too."  

January 16, 2001
    It is freezing cold outside, when I was walking home from work I can hardly move my toes!  Not only because of my heels but also because my toes are frozen.  I wish its already summer, cant wait (just for the sun not for the college stuff).  I cannot wait until the sun burn my skin and run around the beach naked, LOL just kidding.  Newaize, my friends just ate Thai BBQ and they gave me some, I got one thing to say... I need more of those LoL!!
    School was like blah today, which reminds me that I have to turn in pictures for the yearbook.  Eck!  I got this form for prom bids and grad night (agh its almost that day!!), I have to sell some candies to pay for some of it.  Wait, what am I saying some candies I have to sell 14 damn boxed which contains 40 pieces of candies a box. Yikes!!! Buy from me please... but yeah, I read this poem for English today and It blew me away, a little.  I think it's called apple picking... I don't know but something like that.  I think it's about choices, choices being the apple and the fruits.  Choices we made and choices we will make in our lives.  Sometimes, we pick the right apple and everything is perfect.  But there are also the rotten apple and everything is just bad.  There are also an apple that looks perfect but when you take a bite out of that mouth- watering juicy fruit, there's a worm.  See, aren't choices like that?  Very similar huh?  Or having to pick an apple instead of the other numbers of fruits out there.   Why you chose that apple, instead of the one on your right or the one above you, whether the reason be it is closer to you or shinier.   Doesn't that make you stop and think for awhile?  Or why you chose apple to be on your hand instead of the strawberry... why?

January 24, 2001
    Rainy day, you don't know how much I hate this kind of weather!  It is not just your clothes getting wet, your hair getting damp, but getting your socks wet!!!  Eww, it's sickening... your toes are just numb and dead.  And then your toes look like an old person's toe, all wrinkled!  When you walk around, dirty water splash all over you, slippery road, and worst of all no sun (well duh!).  
    My sister was asking me about her homework, it's about the best day we had.  Don't you think that's a very hard question to answer.  How can you have only ONE day and  that day being the best.  There are a lot of good memories and events that happened to us and will, so why answer one.  Who could actually answer that?  I know I won't!  I know I will never ever say "This is my best day ever!"

March 3, 2001
    Yikester, long time no write, lol what's new!  Aillyn's bday passed and I guess it was cool.  Hmm, this is going to be just like a free write thing.... so, three weeks of braided hair, kuya's coming Thursday, and I cannot wait until I get paid again.  Work is cool, school sucks... yikes.  
    Wow two more months of school and high school is over.  Why?  Do we have to grow up now or maybe we should have grown the past few days, or months?   Why does time go by so fast, that I cannot grab onto anything anymore.

March 12, 2001
    Auditing at work today, yikes I was so nervous!  The auditor asked me all this question and check all my money and paper works.  Good thing it was all okay, whew!  We got 96%, we're happy like heck...
    Newaize...

May 12, 2001
    PROM is May 19.  Ohmg!!!!  I just got my dress at Jigsaw, Melrose.  It cost me $330 for the dress!!!  = I have to work longer hours.  I LOVE the look, inspired by Jennifer Love's dress.  Exact replica (sorta) newaize, one more week.  Prom last last week was great too.  I wore this pink dress.  It was cool... I also feel great because on that day, I felt like a very good friend and I was trusted.  It made me feel great and a feeling that just makes me say "thanks."
    Anyhow, I don't want to feel like how I feel right now *again* I'm so confused!  Nervous and excited for "Deep Blue Destiny."  Ohmgosh, you don't know the trouble we had to go through just to go prom.  The person I'm going to with prom is the person I want to go with too... agh I don't know what I'm mumbling about. So I'm let you go.

May 13, 2001
    I have this tingly feeling about this guy, I don't know if I should feel like that for him.  I don't understand him and why he is doing what he is doing.  I want to know his motives.  What if what I thought he is feeling is wrong.  What if  friends are all he wants us to be?  Then what?  I don't have any strong feelings for him or anything.  But when he calls and when I talk to him, its like I just want to keep on talking to him, but then I tell him that we'll just talk later on.  There's a lot of things that are on our way.  a lot of people are not approving, whether it be this or it be that.  He's sweet and all, god knows how much he helped me with what I wanted.  He helped me fixed so many things that other people did not even bother to help me with.  He went through things that I thought a person would not do for my sake.  He didn't ask why he needs to go through it before even going out.  He would make me smile, make me laugh.  When my day is going bad, he would cheer me up with a piece of drawing or with a book.  He would spend his time with me, when he knows I hate doing things by myself.  He would spend his time to help and help me finish with what I have to do.  He would lend me his jacket when he knows I am shivering to death, even if it means he will be super cold the entire day.  He doesn't forget to call him with the time it was set up.  He is being such a gentleman.  But, he has his issues that I really don't want to deal with.  I'm scared to deal with it.  Many said that I will have to go through a lot and understand a lot.  Many said we are different, many said we are not even meant to be "close."  I'm scared... I don't want to fall for him.

May 23, 2001
    Front Page is the thought I have....
----> Below is the tranferred thought from Front Page.
why are looking at me as if you haven't seen me for billions of years?
why do you look for me when you know i am just there wondering around?
why do you smile at me even if your day is going bad?
why do you make me smile when my day is not doing so well?
maybe because you have nothing else better to do.

why do you look into my eyes and hypnotize me?
why do open conversations that opens up who you are?
why do you want me to know who you are and what you are?
why do you talk to me as if you already know me?
maybe because you want to get to know me better.

why do you say hi to me and stop by to say hello?
why do you help me when i need a hand?
why do you cheer me up and make me laugh until i fall off the chair?
why do you do the things that you do?
maybe because you want to be friends.

why do you hug me and why does that make me feel secure?
why do you spend time with me and why does it make me happy?
why do you touch me in a special way and why does it increase my heart beat?
why do you do these things and why do i feel like this?
maybe because you... we... why can't i answer that?  why?
F.e.a.t.u.r.e.d. S.o.n.g.
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.::|Artist|::.    Fast Ball
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